Why Do You Sit At Home, You're Not Designed To Be Alone...

Holy shit in a bucket! I’m going to need to update this bad boy more if it’s going to serve its original purpose!!! Here are some of the main events from the past 9 months to confirm that I am neither dead nor dying!

Onion Terror: After almost 8 years of rocking all over the North-East, Onion Terror finally called it a day, sending ourselves off with an epic hour-long set at the Moorings bar at the end of January. Marshmallows, nipple tassels, VHS and some chili vodka made the headlines. The set has been recorded and is currently being master-mixed. We’ve been recording a couple of our last, and first, songs that didn’t quite make it to out last few CDs. Trying to get a new band on the go, the line-up’s there at the moment, but need to arrange a couple of jamming sessions arranged first to ensure that it will work!

Running: after the 10K last summer I thought “fuck it, I’ll attempt a marathon”… so I spent a good few months training for the Edinburgh 2009 marathon. Although I knew it wouldn’t be easy the level of commitment required was pretty immense, and a brief glance at my Nike-O-Meter totals indicate that I clocked up: 407 miles in 68 hours (and burnt approx 60,556 calories); including race day. Favourite memory from the training was jogging down at the beach, in the snow at night… will probably never forget that. As for the race itself it was very hot and some of the water stations were looted in the morning so I ended up going 6/7 miles with none of the wet stuff. Clocked in a time of 5:26:31 - half of me is disappointed that it’s almost an hour over the target but the other half is glad that I crossed the finishing line. Now to find a new hobby… ‘til next summer!

10k: 01:03:46
Half: 02:22:45
30k: 03:32:08
Marathon (42.1k): 05:26:31

No Booze: didn’t quite last the full year, or the 6 months proposed but managed to go three-and-a-half months totally dry. Cause of lapse: a very, very shit Mighty Boosh show in Edinburgh with Scott and Angus - who had been drinking since noon. Since then I can count the number of boozy nights I’ve had on one hand and feeling a lot better for it. Running and health in general have also contributed to the general demise of the boozy nights.

Flat-life: after over a year and a half of living in the mansion the time finally rolled round for a bit of a change in scenery. Although it was a great place to live, and the company was fantastic, it was definitely not easy being a couple living with other people. Our first viewing was an amazing two-bedroom townhouse that we were lucky enough to bag! After a month of living there - despite Sky’s timeless ability to fuck up everything they do - it’s been a great month. Redecorating the living room with a new home theater set-up, and re-wiring a plug, have been among the most ‘manly’ things I’ve done. All in all it was quite sad leaving El Mansion, but I’ll be taking a ton of ace memories and quotes with me, and leaving Flett to live with the chicks!

DJing: having done a few parties and taken up a residency in a local bar my ‘MC Skillz’ appear to be in demand at the moment. I could probably make a good bit of dosh out of it, but there’s not a lot of fun to be had standing on your own for +5 hours being told by drunk people what songs you ‘totally must play’ (i.e. how to do your job). On the upside, in a good venue you can literally play whatever you want. Unfortunately had to turn down a graduation ball to 1,000 people, but got to take the rough with the smooth!

Golf: couldn’t break the 90 last season, although I did hit a round of 90 that should have been in the high 80’s but bottled it over the last few holes… FAIL. Having picked up the clubs to the range a few times and hitting my first round of the season as a 96 (all fouls included), then going round the Lynx course in 90 on a horrendously wet day the hopes of breaking the 90 barrier are pretty high.

Bits & Bobs: Went down to London on a bit of a work jolly to pick up a ‘Best Company’ award: champagne-tastic evening! Finally finished all 5 seasons of the Wire and it’s definitely the best thing that’s ever been broadcast on TV, and have started watching it again with the Mrs! Half Man Half Biscuit was one of the most entertaining gigs I’ve ever been to. Ross Noble was amazing and Rob Brydon wasn’t bad either. Ed Byrne was great and still got Russel Howard (MKII) at the end of this month. - Boner. I’m also a boner-fied mac user now and feel pretty smug about it (unavoidable). Managed to ravage Fopp in Glasgow for a tremendous amount of DVDs. Generally loving the new 40” telly / 1000W 5.1 surround sound / Sky+HD set up… biggest predicament at the moment is whether or not a PS3 is in order.

Overall, life is very good at the moment!

I'm So Cool, Too Bad I'm a Loser!

Firstly, I can’t believe that this summer has pretty much been and gone already; only last year it was the days and weeks that flew past, now it seems to be the months. Every time I pick up something like the Belmont cinema listings, by the time I get round to reading it, they’re out of date…The past few nights have literally been the first chance I’ve had to put my feet up, veg out, and gather my thoughts in months.

At the start of the summer I decided to head out for a run and see if it’d be worth taking up as a serious method of keeping fit. Despite half the jog being headfirst into freezing rain and wind I decided to take it up and train for a 10k. A pair of trainers, Nike+I-pod and 20-odd runs later I was down at the Baker Hughes start line with a few thousand other fair-weather joggers. In the end I ran it in just over 50 minutes and raised over £200 for the Leukaemia ward at the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary - which I was pleased with on both parts. My birthday fell just before the run so I didn’t do anything this year and it was a nice change, although I made up for it by doing a 2pm-2am session that included getting sunburnt on the Revolution balcony while gorging on some well-earned steak and beer!

The very next day my hay fever returned with a vengeance and pretty much ruled out any fun for the whole of June. I must also point out that when your nose is completely blocked it’s impossible to bag-off with girls! It was most definitely worse than previous years and has ensured that I’ll be making a springtime trip to the doctor in order to get a big fix next year. Now that the pollen has chilled out I’m slowly heading back to that 10k level.

With any physical activity ruled out over the summer I actually managed to get a load of golf played and was able to concentrate on improving my game this year. Playing a different course each week, it didn’t take long to break the previously impossible 100 barrier. 92 (at Alford) is the current high-score, although this year I’ll hopefully keep playing through the winter and break the 90 at some point.

Another thing worth noting would be that I’m currently half way through what was initially a year off of booze. After a weekend of my liver’s worst beat-down, which concluded with me being in fisticuffs with some skank outside a busy club, I decided to put down the pint glass for a while with several reasons; namely health, money, reputation proving myself a point. Having served three months of this self-imposed sentence I can easily say I don’t miss it, although plan to be back on the sauce by New Year again as I’m more than happy with the way it’s worked out so far, and a liver only needs 3 months to totally heal!

So far, it’s been a truly bizarre experience - with 70% of people treating me like a freak-show and the other 30% appearing to respect me because they somehow think that abstaining is beyond them. I did set up another blog to document this wee journey but haven’t had any time to update it so here are some of the headlines.

• In Scotland, not having an alcoholic drink seriously offends +75% of the population in - and behind - a bar.
• Draught soft drinks are the most profitable thing or landlords - a pint of coke is on average about 20p cheaper than a pint of beer, although coke is never on offer.
• It’s at least three times harder keeping rhythm on a dancefloor when you’re sober, although drunken people only think they can dance.
• It’s scary seeing how getting shit-faced is so deeply engrained in our culture, I’d slate it but after five years of drinking almost every weekend it’d be pretty hypocritical.

My favourite moment so far was realising that ordering lemonade at a bar is considered so suspicious that you can be ejected from a club (on the grounds that you’re underage!!!)

Flatwise, Christina decided to leave the mansion a few months earlier than planned, which didn’t come as much of a surprise but made for some interesting flatmate hunting. Going for a female flatmate, but only having homeless male friends sucked for a bit but after several internet adverts and a few promising showings I met a slightly-older accountant chick that was looking to move in. A brief 20-minute interview in the Globe turned into a 2 ½ hour rocking conversation and a deal was made; the new girl would be moving in at the start of June.

After a couple of weeks we were getting on really well. After a couple of nights out together we were getting on even better, and had even inadvertently set a new benchmark for future dates (Pirate Golf, Cinema, Cocktails, Scrabble and not a silent moment)… but that night out wasn’t a date, it couldn’t have been a date, we were flatmates! After several rounds of golf, dozens of inter-office e-mails, and a few trips to the cinema the undertones - culminating in a few beamers and some mutual popcorn feedage - were no longer, well, undertones. These acts confirmed - at least for me - that we crossed the flatmate line, so the next night I gambled everything and gingerly crept upstairs to spill my guts… it was the most nervous I’ve ever been.

It turns out that these feelings were mutual and since then we’ve made a totally rocking couple. Keeping it a secret until we figured out if it would work was quite fun, but couldn’t go on forever. Since then we’ve been out for some really nice meals, a load of cool dates, a couple of wee drives and spent heaps of time together. Remember the description at the end of my last post? Bingo! Having met 3 of the 4 parents it’s looking pretty, pretty serious… at the moment I couldn’t be a happier bunny!

Onion Terror has also been quite interesting lately. We’ve played a slew of amazing gigs and I’ve written some of our finest tunes to date (More Than This, Can’t Do It, Ideal World et. al) but we haven’t had enough practices to properly nail them. We’ve been on the radio a couple of times and had to turn down some high profile gigs over the summer. I’ve also done a couple of amazing acoustic gigs at Cellar 35 lately, and have several more to look forward to in September. I figure that I’ve only got a couple more years of gigs in a full band before I’ll have to pack it in and I refuse to do that before I can actually say I’ve toured and tried!!! If it has to be with another band, or even acoustic, I’ll be looking to head out on tour next summer.

Some other headlines from this summer: being in bed while my mum was texting me from a gig; dancing on the 3rd floor of espionage with Tinketbell, a tree, Alice, the queen of hearts and some lesbians; (strip) scrabble; two weekends at Holly’s for her birthday and weekend out of town; finally starting to save for Cuba; The Wire; looking forward to Mighty Boosh, Russel Howard & Steve Coogan.

I'm The One That Drives Away, Then Folows You Back Home.

I’m kicking off this entry with a big shout out to Joe Park, a top guy and good friend that was taken form us far too early. Joe’s death hit home a lot of realities among our group of friends. He’d spent his whole life learning (and being sarcastic), and just after finishing Uni he fell ill and a few months later he was gone. It’s so messed up that in the 21st century, where almost everything is taken for granted, it takes something like this to re-iterate how fragile life is. Even weeks later I still feel like I should see him walking into Exo or the Moorings when we’re out.

I’ll never forget Joe as the sunburnt lobster in the blonde wig, swigging some cider, or the game of buckaroo, and so many other memories from the Leeds festivals. Wouldn’t be a proper mention without the good ol’ Army jumper too… Times like those!!!!

"Lookin afta jo jo"

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It’s been a good couple of months in work with my first promotion for getting the company though the audit for ISO accreditation; not the most exciting jobs in the world but it was a good challenge. Celebrations were short-lived, although the bosses did tell me to “get shit-faced and come in whenever you want tomorrow”, which was nice! After this I was marked as the HSE man and put on a Prince2 course, which I passed (boner). The biggest opportunity to date has just landed on my lap, so time will tell how that turns out but after doing all of the above the pressure’s on.

As a cheeky way of celebrating the audit I took a seat-of-the-pants offer to go to Tenerife with the old lady. Whilst it was a nice break, and good to spend time with Mrs T, it was probably a bit too much being together 24/7, especially after flying the nest six months prior. Also, the snoring was so bad that I actually spent a night sleeping in the bathroom to escape it! It was still a good trip, nice to see some February sun, eat loads of really nice grub and walk among the nice scenery day after day with no worries.

One novelty of wireless technology that I’ve recently realised - and is criminally overlooked / under-advertised - is surfing the net while you’re taking a dump. Didn’t think it would catch on but why waste five or ten minutes staring at the back of the door… Surely this should be marketed to the 20-something male shopper at PC word?!?!? Other recent ways of killing time on the throne include playing the guitar and eating cereal; because there’s something quite ironic about eating while you shit.

The final thing this month is a moan. Despite the fact that I’m lucky enough to have a brilliant family, cracking set of friends, cool flat, ace flatmates, great job, fun band and a pretty healthy body, (which I all appreciate) I’ve been feeling a bit down for the past few months and am 90% sure that it’s because I can’t seem to find a girl. A funny coincidence is that since I shaved my head opportunities with the wimin have been fewer and further apart - many a Larry David quote can confirm discrimination against us baldies! Seriously though, a recent article in New Scientist (9th Feb ’08) noted that the wider your circle of friends was, the more likely you were to be single… which I initially thought would be pants, although having mulled it over for a while, can see how it can be true. Does this mean that I’ll have to can a few friends to get the girls or what?

Perhaps my biggest obstacle is high standards; although surely it can’t be that difficult to find a smart, open-minded, outgoing, down-to-earth, girl that loves foreign films, nice food and black comedy… can it? I guess I’ll just have to figure out what I actually want first, or see if a little bit of mystery will do the trick.

The other noteworthy items from the past months have included: being labelled a stalker (seriously), power lilts, new mattress, new acoustic, steamer, jam sandwiches, salsa dancing and bongo terror.

Finally

Can I get a little zip zip lookie lookie?

Oh dear! It’s been a good six months since I wrote my last entry; so many things have passed that it would take hours to write them up, consider these the main headlines.

Went on a training course to become an Auditor, which really meant getting pissed every night with a bunch of middle-aged family guys. Pretty surreal company but the venue - right next to Silverstone - was amazing, the pool/sauna/gym full of hot accountant chicks and the food… good enough to gain 4 lbs in as many days. Ended up passing the course, which was nice! Highlight of the trip: being one of five people carrying a big, pissed disabled guy up a flight of stairs and through a maze of corridors while a bunch of youths filmed the momentous occasion - still haven’t found this video on youtube.

A few weeks later I thought it’d be a good laugh to look at some flats and after two weeks of hunting I had acquired a ¼ share in a mansion with the Flett man, Hayley and Christina. Didn’t really know what to expect living away from home for the first time but it’s actually been pretty ace, although you don’t realise how long mundane jobs like washing and cleaning take up ‘til you have to do all of them. Favourite bit so far: making all meals from scratch. Least favourite bit: tidying up after parties.

Another thing I’ve realised since moving out is that no human characteristics are evenly distributed; cleanliness, consideration, fairness, noisiness, reason and volume all differ from person to person, it’s great to observe but - although it would be good to harmonise these - the world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same. Personally, I find that common sense (i.e. the different ways of doing things) is the most fascinating, and although it can lead to many a bite-your-lip moment, I guess that’s all part of the house-sharing experience!

Other things that happened over the past few months: the 5th Leeds festival which was amazing, but I’m not sure that it’s convinced me to head back for the 6th year running; a weekend in Edinburgh to get pissed and see Ross Noble live; a brief stint seeing a globe-trotting hottie; and a second Onion Terror CD (Christmas single) that we released at a Christmas gig attended by about a dozen people.

Scoring 4 ½ out of 7 from last years set of resolutions I’ve decided to set the same number this year:

Chill out & cut the crap
Learn conversational Spanish
Exercise at least once a week
Visit Cuba
Release two more CDs
Finish a Screenplay / Film script
Update this blog more often

The first one is deliberately double-barrelled in that it’s two current traits of mine that I’d like to change for many reasons. For chilling out ~ despite finishing Uni over 6 months ago I still feel that I’m living my social life very studiously, and that it’s time to cut the chord, or at least shorten it a fair bit. For cutting the crap ~ I’ve come to realise (through no particular incident) that it’s impossible to please everyone I know and that trying to do so doesn’t really get you anywhere. For me, last year was the ultimate proof that nice guys do indeed finish last, so it’s time to become a realist!

While the last one may seem trivial this blog was started with the aim of being a reference to my life; noting down events and feelings that I don’t really want to forget… and squeezing six months into a couple of paragraphs just doesn’t do any justice.

Hasta la vista baby!

She Had A Beautiful Face!

Holy shit! That has got to have been the busiest few months of my life, and all that really happened was a transition between the student and working lifestyles!

After formally finishing Uni the aim of the game was to spend some quality time with the people I wouldn’t see again for ages – and others never again. In real terms this meant excessive alcohol consumption in various flats, pubs, clubs and public places! The worst part about this was that I not only got know people a lot better, but I met heaps of folk for the first time, which added to the sadness of having to leave student life behind. After a fortnight of that it was time to start chilling out.

Another bad aspect of having all these end of term nights out was that I met at least three girls that I got on with phenomenally, but they all decided to disappear for the summer, which swiftly brings me to my next observation. It seems like everyone’s almost pre-programmed to chase the wrong people at the moment: the unattainable and the uninterested. If I had a pound for every time I saw the classic ‘He-likes-her-but-she-likes-him-who-likes-someone-else’ cliché this summer I’d have at least a tenner!

To counteract the effects of the partying I took up swimming and golf big time, doing one of them each day for a good 4 weeks. The only thing was that with the golf, I can’t break the 100 mark to save my life, which makes playing pretty pointless. Public swimming also has a lot to be desired; especially when the pools are full of old ladies boasting spider legs at side of their costumes and brown foreign objects on the floor … Gross!

After several weeks of this I had to bite the bullet and start full-time work. At first I couldn’t believe the freedom working in an open-plan office,, at least compared to being on a till, but it’s one of those novelties that have worn off pretty quickly - much like all the free snacks and inter-office correspondences with the dame. At first the ‘work’ was pretty pants and I was given tasks with no other purpose than to gauge ability. The highlight of the first few weeks was scoring 135 on an IQ test (no joke, 130 and above is the top 2.2% of the population!!!). As time goes on my role’s becoming more defined, I also can’t wait ‘til I’ve done my first course next week.

Depending on which way you look at it, not being able to drive to work is a pretty big aspect of my job. 2 hours 20 travelling per day means I’ve torn through more books in the past 6 weeks than I have in the past year (Haunted, Alphabet of Manliness, Ham on Rye, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell…) Busses also seem to be a haven for outrageous flirting… which is nice. On the downside of all this travelling I have to waken up at 7am and I don’t get home ‘til after 6!

After a couple of weeks of work I managed to get the guts of a week off for graduation. The day itself was pretty cool, although I’ll leave most of the detail for the ‘Ode to Uni’ entry. ‘twas a long day - early breakfast in town with the gang, good ceremony, cheesy pictures, fancy meal and a top night out. The night after there was an ace ball, followed by some Liquid, then a house party ‘til 7am, finished off by waking at noon and heading straight to my final authentic Bobbin sesh, the perfect way to see off life as a drunken student!

A couple of things to wrap up this entry: firstly, I finally realised how much I actually love Ross Noble, the perfect rambling entertainer; Secondly, finally stuck out the new Onion Terror CD - ‘See You Tonight’ - and despite it being a home-job, it looks amazing; finally having outbursts of bad hay fever in a city that has won ‘Britain in Bloom’ ten times is about as fun as being a blind person that can’t breathe with a runny nose and bad cough.

I'm Just Trying To Break Down A Wall.

After the annual period of Easter lassitude it was time to crack on with the final Uni essay, something that I thought would actually be good to work away on. Despite writing about an interesting topic - human trafficking for the purpose of sexual (yas!) slavery (not so yas) - it just got too boring too soon. And then there was the final exam, but nobody was really bothered by the time it came round. A spiffing night out at house parties and town with the human rights gang and some shit-hot champagne was the goodbye night that we all waited so long for.

Trying out Stand-up comedy has been an interesting little experiment of the past few weeks. After a couple of gigs I’m still trying to find my feet and establish what is and isn’t kosher with a little help from the censorship police, and a prick who was determined to kick my face in because he didn’t like the more controversial side of my wee set. It’ll be interesting to see how far and funny the comedic career will go.

Experienced my first proper downer last week when a load of facts hit me like a wall. Spent a year working on a dissertation that’s currently heading towards a mediocre grade; a relatively pants birthday night out where a lot of ‘close’ friends and workmates pulled a no-show; the realisation that a lot of my mates will be going home in a month; having genes that appear to want a fat body; a pretty lengthy spell of shit lady ‘luck’; topped of with general apprehension about life after Uni. All these dawned on me one night but either because it’s not in my nature, or that I genuinely didn’t have the time to mope, it was back to the grind the following day. Will hopefully be able to iron a few of these out in this month off.

One thing I’ve come to realise this month is that pretty much everything you do and need requires money, even providing the basic human needs like eating, housing, heating and clothing. Upon trying, it was impossible to think of more than a handful of things that you can do for absolutely nothing, backing up my idea that money actually dictates everything we do. It makes you wonder if full-blown capitalism is actually the best economic system in the world because in Soviet Russia, money spent YOU!!

After a few years of mediocrity Onion Terror has finally seen a face-lift and is sounding pretty sweet again, and with no hard feelings it wasn’t half as messy as it could have been. Another noteworthy event was the ‘iconic movie’ party where the cowboy suit made me look like a stripper, but after a game of ‘Circle of Death’, that was pretty low on the list of priorities. Finally left Sainsbury’s after 5 years and 9 months, but that and Uni are both getting their own massive bogs, so chow for now.

P.S. Out of interest, could everyone who reads this post pleae leave a comment, even if it's anonymous, just so I have a rough idea of how many people actually read one of these posts. Danke!

With Every Wish, It's Hit Or Miss.

“Was it a card with two bars of chocolate and a book?”

The timeless quote that subsequently: quashed any dreams I had of becoming a really cunning private detective; kept me laughing out loud for over a month; confirmed that the postie didn’t actually steal my valentine; and became my first original punch line as a wannabe stand-up comedian. Magic.

What could easily be the most intense dosage of pure happiness in my life was had the other day, as I printed out the 61 pages of Thain-style gold that was my dissertation. A result of the overzealous approach adopted in the weeks before the deadline is that my right eye has developed it’s own fluttering spasm – not cool. Must also mention the ol’ chick that helped me retrieve an entire deleted chapter, what a star. One aspect that I will never understand is that, when you really need to get your head down and do some hardcore work, everything else – from bebo creeping to two-hour lunches – suddenly seems more important. On the downside, it means that I no longer have excuse for a lack of success on the female front at the moment, despite hanging out with the likes of Paris Hilton and Pocahontas!

After visiting the Granddad down at the Links unit, I have decided that someone has to end it before I become old and haggard like most of the people in there. Although it will be difficult dealing with the effects of growing older, such as not being able to buy cool jeans or having to find something above ground level to rest your foot on, life must become completely empty when you can’t walk across a room, read a book or take a dump without someone helping you. Worse still, sharing a room with 5 other people in the same condition probably wouldn’t pump up the self-esteem.

Other things worth underscoring from the past wee while include: the D.I.Y. skills being sharpened up with the creation of a new-age pedal board that will become the envy of many a gig-goer in the future; an ace solo gig at the Aberdeen Union that ended up with the whole crowd in the palm of my hand; becoming more honest about things as opposed to trying to satisfying everyone, which may lead to some interesting entries in the future; coming home drunk and watching my future wife on ‘The Mint’; getting a Leeds ticket; and securing a decent job for after uni.

Baby I'm Bad News.

Wow! If this hasn’t been the worst start to anybody’s year I’ll eat someone else’s earwax. Firstly, New Year was a damp squib with nothing really mental happening, but maybe that’s what every night’s like when you’re not drunk, good way to kick off the resolutions though. Days later came an infuriating dose of the mumps that made me look like Desperate Dan: but swap cow pie with crabsticks and soup. It also drained me so badly that I couldn’t even revise (oh, the humanity). All of this was made even better by the fact that the first doctor failed to mention: the tiny detail that it might have affected my nuts; or anything that would help speed up the recovery – thanks Wikipedia.

As soon as that began to wear off it was time for a totally hardcore, making-up-time, cramming, revision-fest for what was left of the exam period, and as if that wasn’t bad enough insert a seagull attack before the first exam then a squawking bird & two rude invigilators, all hell-bent on screwing up the second one. After three days off, of which I worked two, it was straight back to the library for non-stop dissertation reading, I would however like to buy the person who decided it was ‘OK’ to carry out construction work outside both sides of the QML a few pints... of industrial bleach.

Some other signs that you may be spending too much time inside a library: (i) you’re able to recognise fellow losers by just their phone or the books on their desk; (ii) you go entire days without opening your mouth with the exception of saying ‘rice please’ to a dinner lady; (iii) other people talking begins to infuriate you – librarian style; (iv) you experience feelings of fury and misery when someone else sits at your desk; (v) life becomes so mundane that writing silly words like ‘fuck’, ‘tits’ and ‘yaldy’ in your notes actually makes laugh out loud.

Further events from this month that have engaged the rage include back pain from slouching over desks for so long, being treated like a leper by Ms Macbeath in town (note to self: this is the fastest way to burn bridges) and finally, the piesta resistance... being randomly attacked by three total arseholes. Although happy to escape with a fat eye and all my valuables, I just can’t get my head around the mentality of someone that thinks trying to unexpectedly knock out complete strangers is acceptable fun. They’re officially the first people I’ve ever wished death upon, a pretty good indicator of how great this year has been thus far.

Other than everything mentioned above, this year has actually been completely amazing!

Apologies go out to anybody who actually made it this far through the depress-fest, but hopefully there’ll be some better news next time disguised as exam results, job prospects and my first proper Valentine sendage – although probably best not to count on it.

Burn My World A Southpaw Curve

2006: the year that Borat ridiculed America, Saddam Hussein & Steve Irwin popped their clogs, a London cabbie made it on to BBC news, the hottest ever day was recorded, bebo and youtube took over people’s lives and I lost my hair. Overall, it wasn’t a bad year at all, providing some smashing memories such as an ace 21st Birthday party, seeing The Living End, and visiting New York, Skye & Leeds. In hindsight I generally feel older and wiser than the guy who wrote a similar entry to this one-year ago.

This year’s resolutions are a bit more focused and realistic than the last set – of which I kept half – so they should be easier to stick to.

1) Read more.
2) Play a song-a-day on guitar
3) Visit the gym once a week.
4) Drink less alcohol.
5) Eat healthy.
6) Visit my Grandparents more.
7) Release 2 CDs / Create a film script.

If you see me breaking any of these spank me in to shape!

December’s been quite strange, even systematic because all the generic Christmas shenanigans have to be taken care of: finish the last essays for the end of term, have the leaving night out, work night out, friends night out, go shopping, play a Christmas gig, open your presents, eat the meal, visit family & friends… all very robotic. Due to this pre-planned nature the rest of this account is nothing more than a string of observations, enjoy.

Christmas cards – nobody really bothers with them these days, are we too old or are cards not cool anymore? Warm money – perhaps the single most disgusting thing you have to handle. Famous people (Michael Barrymore) – just want to be treated like a normal person, not besieged by Wendy. Teachers – want to get as drunk as everyone else, even the senior ones. Drinking with teachers – surreal. Walking girls home – the gentlemanly thing to do, even three times a night. Wine – the tasty, and cost-effective beverage. Death – the only reason people are scared is because they don’t know when it’ll happen. Adverts – as good an indicator of society at the time as anything else. Being banned from a your favourite club – one of the best things that can happen. Essay-induced junk-food binges: Tea, Haribo, Pringles, Red Bull anyone? Finally, do girls shit? Yes, and it can smell as rancid as guys’ ones!