30 August, 2008

I'm So Cool, Too Bad I'm a Loser!

Firstly, I can’t believe that this summer has pretty much been and gone already; only last year it was the days and weeks that flew past, now it seems to be the months. Every time I pick up something like the Belmont cinema listings, by the time I get round to reading it, they’re out of date…The past few nights have literally been the first chance I’ve had to put my feet up, veg out, and gather my thoughts in months.

At the start of the summer I decided to head out for a run and see if it’d be worth taking up as a serious method of keeping fit. Despite half the jog being headfirst into freezing rain and wind I decided to take it up and train for a 10k. A pair of trainers, Nike+I-pod and 20-odd runs later I was down at the Baker Hughes start line with a few thousand other fair-weather joggers. In the end I ran it in just over 50 minutes and raised over £200 for the Leukaemia ward at the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary - which I was pleased with on both parts. My birthday fell just before the run so I didn’t do anything this year and it was a nice change, although I made up for it by doing a 2pm-2am session that included getting sunburnt on the Revolution balcony while gorging on some well-earned steak and beer!

The very next day my hay fever returned with a vengeance and pretty much ruled out any fun for the whole of June. I must also point out that when your nose is completely blocked it’s impossible to bag-off with girls! It was most definitely worse than previous years and has ensured that I’ll be making a springtime trip to the doctor in order to get a big fix next year. Now that the pollen has chilled out I’m slowly heading back to that 10k level.

With any physical activity ruled out over the summer I actually managed to get a load of golf played and was able to concentrate on improving my game this year. Playing a different course each week, it didn’t take long to break the previously impossible 100 barrier. 92 (at Alford) is the current high-score, although this year I’ll hopefully keep playing through the winter and break the 90 at some point.

Another thing worth noting would be that I’m currently half way through what was initially a year off of booze. After a weekend of my liver’s worst beat-down, which concluded with me being in fisticuffs with some skank outside a busy club, I decided to put down the pint glass for a while with several reasons; namely health, money, reputation proving myself a point. Having served three months of this self-imposed sentence I can easily say I don’t miss it, although plan to be back on the sauce by New Year again as I’m more than happy with the way it’s worked out so far, and a liver only needs 3 months to totally heal!

So far, it’s been a truly bizarre experience - with 70% of people treating me like a freak-show and the other 30% appearing to respect me because they somehow think that abstaining is beyond them. I did set up another blog to document this wee journey but haven’t had any time to update it so here are some of the headlines.

  • In Scotland, not having an alcoholic drink seriously offends +75% of the population in - and behind - a bar.
  • Draught soft drinks are the most profitable thing or landlords - a pint of coke is on average about 20p cheaper than a pint of beer, although coke is never on offer.
  • It’s at least three times harder keeping rhythm on a dancefloor when you’re sober, although drunken people only think they can dance.
  • It’s scary seeing how getting shit-faced is so deeply engrained in our culture, I’d slate it but after five years of drinking almost every weekend it’d be pretty hypocritical.

My favourite moment so far was realising that ordering lemonade at a bar is considered so suspicious that you can be ejected from a club (on the grounds that you’re underage!!!)

Flatwise, Christina decided to leave the mansion a few months earlier than planned, which didn’t come as much of a surprise but made for some interesting flatmate hunting. Going for a female flatmate, but only having homeless male friends sucked for a bit but after several internet adverts and a few promising showings I met a slightly-older accountant chick that was looking to move in. A brief 20-minute interview in the Globe turned into a 2 ½ hour rocking conversation and a deal was made; the new girl would be moving in at the start of June.

After a couple of weeks we were getting on really well. After a couple of nights out together we were getting on even better, and had even inadvertently set a new benchmark for future dates (Pirate Golf, Cinema, Cocktails, Scrabble and not a silent moment)… but that night out wasn’t a date, it couldn’t have been a date, we were flatmates! After several rounds of golf, dozens of inter-office e-mails, and a few trips to the cinema the undertones - culminating in a few beamers and some mutual popcorn feedage - were no longer, well, undertones. These acts confirmed - at least for me - that we crossed the flatmate line, so the next night I gambled everything and gingerly crept upstairs to spill my guts… it was the most nervous I’ve ever been.

It turns out that these feelings were mutual and since then we’ve made a totally rocking couple. Keeping it a secret until we figured out if it would work was quite fun, but couldn’t go on forever. Since then we’ve been out for some really nice meals, a load of cool dates, a couple of wee drives and spent heaps of time together. Remember the description at the end of my last post? Bingo! Having met 3 of the 4 parents it’s looking pretty, pretty serious… at the moment I couldn’t be a happier bunny!

Onion Terror has also been quite interesting lately. We’ve played a slew of amazing gigs and I’ve written some of our finest tunes to date (More Than This, Can’t Do It, Ideal World et. al) but we haven’t had enough practices to properly nail them. We’ve been on the radio a couple of times and had to turn down some high profile gigs over the summer. I’ve also done a couple of amazing acoustic gigs at Cellar 35 lately, and have several more to look forward to in September. I figure that I’ve only got a couple more years of gigs in a full band before I’ll have to pack it in and I refuse to do that before I can actually say I’ve toured and tried!!! If it has to be with another band, or even acoustic, I’ll be looking to head out on tour next summer.

Some other headlines from this summer: being in bed while my mum was texting me from a gig; dancing on the 3rd floor of espionage with Tinketbell, a tree, Alice, the queen of hearts and some lesbians; (strip) scrabble; two weekends at Holly’s for her birthday and weekend out of town; finally starting to save for Cuba; The Wire; looking forward to Mighty Boosh, Russel Howard & Steve Coogan.

01 April, 2008

I'm The One That Drives Away, Then Folows You Back Home.

I’m kicking off this entry with a big shout out to Joe Park, a top guy and good friend that was taken form us far too early. Joe’s death hit home a lot of realities among our group of friends. He’d spent his whole life learning (and being sarcastic), and just after finishing Uni he fell ill and a few months later he was gone. It’s so messed up that in the 21st century, where almost everything is taken for granted, it takes something like this to re-iterate how fragile life is. Even weeks later I still feel like I should see him walking into Exo or the Moorings when we’re out.

I’ll never forget Joe as the sunburnt lobster in the blonde wig, swigging some cider, or the game of buckaroo, and so many other memories from the Leeds festivals. Wouldn’t be a proper mention without the good ol’ Army jumper too… Times like those!!!!

"Lookin afta jo jo"

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It’s been a good couple of months in work with my first promotion for getting the company though the audit for ISO accreditation; not the most exciting jobs in the world but it was a good challenge. Celebrations were short-lived, although the bosses did tell me to “get shit-faced and come in whenever you want tomorrow”, which was nice! After this I was marked as the HSE man and put on a Prince2 course, which I passed (boner). The biggest opportunity to date has just landed on my lap, so time will tell how that turns out but after doing all of the above the pressure’s on.

As a cheeky way of celebrating the audit I took a seat-of-the-pants offer to go to Tenerife with the old lady. Whilst it was a nice break, and good to spend time with Mrs T, it was probably a bit too much being together 24/7, especially after flying the nest six months prior. Also, the snoring was so bad that I actually spent a night sleeping in the bathroom to escape it! It was still a good trip, nice to see some February sun, eat loads of really nice grub and walk among the nice scenery day after day with no worries.

One novelty of wireless technology that I’ve recently realised - and is criminally overlooked / under-advertised - is surfing the net while you’re taking a dump. Didn’t think it would catch on but why waste five or ten minutes staring at the back of the door… Surely this should be marketed to the 20-something male shopper at PC word?!?!? Other recent ways of killing time on the throne include playing the guitar and eating cereal; because there’s something quite ironic about eating while you shit.

The final thing this month is a moan. Despite the fact that I’m lucky enough to have a brilliant family, cracking set of friends, cool flat, ace flatmates, great job, fun band and a pretty healthy body, (which I all appreciate) I’ve been feeling a bit down for the past few months and am 90% sure that it’s because I can’t seem to find a girl. A funny coincidence is that since I shaved my head opportunities with the wimin have been fewer and further apart - many a Larry David quote can confirm discrimination against us baldies! Seriously though, a recent article in New Scientist (9th Feb ’08) noted that the wider your circle of friends was, the more likely you were to be single… which I initially thought would be pants, although having mulled it over for a while, can see how it can be true. Does this mean that I’ll have to can a few friends to get the girls or what?

Perhaps my biggest obstacle is high standards; although surely it can’t be that difficult to find a smart, open-minded, outgoing, down-to-earth, girl that loves foreign films, nice food and black comedy… can it? I guess I’ll just have to figure out what I actually want first, or see if a little bit of mystery will do the trick.

The other noteworthy items from the past months have included: being labelled a stalker (seriously), power lilts, new mattress, new acoustic, steamer, jam sandwiches, salsa dancing and bongo terror.

07 January, 2008

Finally

Finally

Can I get a little zip zip lookie lookie?

Oh dear! It’s been a good six months since I wrote my last entry; so many things have passed that it would take hours to write them up, consider these the main headlines.

Went on a training course to become an Auditor, which really meant getting pissed every night with a bunch of middle-aged family guys. Pretty surreal company but the venue - right next to Silverstone - was amazing, the pool/sauna/gym full of hot accountant chicks and the food… good enough to gain 4 lbs in as many days. Ended up passing the course, which was nice! Highlight of the trip: being one of five people carrying a big, pissed disabled guy up a flight of stairs and through a maze of corridors while a bunch of youths filmed the momentous occasion - still haven’t found this video on youtube.

A few weeks later I thought it’d be a good laugh to look at some flats and after two weeks of hunting I had acquired a ¼ share in a mansion with the Flett man, Hayley and Christina. Didn’t really know what to expect living away from home for the first time but it’s actually been pretty ace, although you don’t realise how long mundane jobs like washing and cleaning take up ‘til you have to do all of them. Favourite bit so far: making all meals from scratch. Least favourite bit: tidying up after parties.

Another thing I’ve realised since moving out is that no human characteristics are evenly distributed; cleanliness, consideration, fairness, noisiness, reason and volume all differ from person to person, it’s great to observe but - although it would be good to harmonise these - the world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same. Personally, I find that common sense (i.e. the different ways of doing things) is the most fascinating, and although it can lead to many a bite-your-lip moment, I guess that’s all part of the house-sharing experience!

Other things that happened over the past few months: the 5th Leeds festival which was amazing, but I’m not sure that it’s convinced me to head back for the 6th year running; a weekend in Edinburgh to get pissed and see Ross Noble live; a brief stint seeing a globe-trotting hottie; and a second Onion Terror CD (Christmas single) that we released at a Christmas gig attended by about a dozen people.

Scoring 4 ½ out of 7 from last years set of resolutions I’ve decided to set the same number this year:

Chill out & cut the crap
Learn conversational Spanish
Exercise at least once a week
Visit Cuba
Release two more CDs
Finish a Screenplay / Film script
Update this blog more often

The first one is deliberately double-barrelled in that it’s two current traits of mine that I’d like to change for many reasons. For chilling out ~ despite finishing Uni over 6 months ago I still feel that I’m living my social life very studiously, and that it’s time to cut the chord, or at least shorten it a fair bit. For cutting the crap ~ I’ve come to realise (through no particular incident) that it’s impossible to please everyone I know and that trying to do so doesn’t really get you anywhere. For me, last year was the ultimate proof that nice guys do indeed finish last, so it’s time to become a realist!

While the last one may seem trivial this blog was started with the aim of being a reference to my life; noting down events and feelings that I don’t really want to forget… and squeezing six months into a couple of paragraphs just doesn’t do any justice.

Hasta la vista baby!