Diet Spite.

Talk about seeing red - and going green - someone not a million miles away from this keyboard feels like his clothes are about to rip and a green giant will smash his house up. In an attempt to save my Hyde I’m going to make a list about all the things that are pissing me off just now.

Buses: if I didn't have to save up for moving out of the house I’d spend every penny I get on driving lessons and a car. Fat people - and I realise as my metabolism grinds to a halt I’m not getting any slimmer - are the pits of the bus network. I saw a massive two-seater jabba demolish 2 cakes, 3 packets of walkers and a bottle of Iron Brew on a 20-minute journey, as if it didn't matter that she was a diabetic time bomb or she didn't care about wasting an extra bus seat for the rest of her life. I was both disgusted and amazed by her carefree attitude, i also felt bad staring without having paid for a ticket.

Town During The Day: another place where people royally piss me off. 3,000 pensioners leisurely trudge around at 3,000th of a Mile Per Day, walking into everyone - and everything - whilst they oaf around with 2 items of shopping. It's like a zombie film, but with 'living' and more ugly zombies. Also, parents who let their little shits run around in amongst 3,000 potential baby snatchers. Twice today I felt like booting a kid through a shop window because it ran in front of me; do everyone a favour mate, keep your kid on a leash.

9 AM Lectures: self-explanatory. After having had early starts for two years you'd think the Uni would cut us junior honours folk some slack and guess what? I’ve made less than 50% of them. Attendance is so shabby and the Lecturer cant' even be arsed teaching anything interesting so it's more fascinating watching everyone else fall back to sleep as the hour progresses.

Alcohol: but only in blinding volumes. This weekend was the cream on the cake with some of the 'best' highlights to remember in town. Spent an obscene amount of cash and managed to completely mongle my back falling down some stairs; punch a cash machine and wreck my right knuckles; acquire two slaps - although that was more someone else being drunk - and probably offend a bakers dozen people whilst flashing my buns. To be fair my drunken state wasn't the only factor for such rough-edged behaviour; but it did help.

Spamming: of all sorts. "I'm a nympho in your local area and my hubby is away all week" Sent to my mobile. WTFM8!?!? Not to mention the 10 e-mails i get a week about getting 'bigger, natural breasts', or natural hair removal and hormone reduction (as if i need it those) and so forth. I'm starting to think some shit-cock is singing me up for all this crap.

Beggars: give you money? HAH! They should be re-named comedians. Who in their right mind gives money / food / anything to a guy who can afford varying luxuries from a guitar to Nike shoes? Such items OBVIOUSLY show that you've not got much money. If they had an ounce of wit about them they'd learn to something like the M&S Juggler guy did. He made a killing every day and people didn't hate him with every bone in their body.

The solution: went in to town and spent heaps of money on shit I don't need - good way to save up for a flat you spazz. Some new shoes (what a girly thing to do), the new Tiger Woods game and a few deesc CDs. I'm off to play Tiger non stop 'til my fingers fall off. Over and out.